The Legend of Zelda: Uno Awakening
by CheeseFromJupiter
Summary: Very stupid, but kinda fun. Malon is shocked to find out Link is an Uno Virgin, so they set off in a quest to learn the true meaning of the game. CHAPTER FOUR UP. Link and MAlon go to.. THE LIBRARY!
1. Uno Virgin!

The Legend of Zelda:  
Uno Awakening

CheeseFromJupiter Chapter One 

"Lets play Uno!" Link shouted to Malon.

"Why?" Malon replied.

"Because the Cucco Diaries is currently on hold, and the author's high on Irn Bru!"

"Works for me!" The farm girl replied happily.

"…"  
"Link? Do you actually know how to play Uno?"  
"…" Link said nothing, and blushed.

"Oh.." Malon mumbled. Then she giggled. "You're an Uno Virgin!"  
"I am not!" Link bawled, going a very interesting shade of pink. Then red. The beetroot. Then purple.

"Yes you are!" Malon laughed through a fit of hysterics. "You don't know how to play!"  
"Do you?" Link shot back.

"Well.. I.. um.. no…"  
"Then it shall be our quest!" Link declared, striking what he thought to be a heroic pose. "To find out how to Uno! And if we can be arsed, maybe even Monopoly!"

/O.o.O\

"Onward, faithful Patsy!" Link said, sitting atop his steed Epona.  
"Woof!" Epona said.  
"Well this sucks." Malon moaned.  
"Be quiet, Concord!"

"Um.. Ooh ooh---"

"No!" Link yelled. "NO SINGING! NO SINGING! NOOOOO SINGING!"  
"Wow," Malon began. "What excessive use of Caps Lock."

An: And so begins it. Yes, my other story is on hold until I can be bothered updating. Quite probably any story updated will be updated at the weekend. Or I write chapters and update through the week. I'm just to nice to you. UNO EXTREME!

**Cue that God-Awful advert.**


	2. A PENNY!

The Legend of Zelda:  
Uno Awakening

CheeseFromJupiter Chapter Two 

"Ooh!" Malon squealed. "Link! Link!"

"What is it?" Link replied, running over.

"A PENNY!"

"A PENNY!" Link shrieked back, leaping at the coin.  
"No way, dirtbag! That penny's mine!"  
"Ah!" Link yelled out in pain as Malon tackled him. "Try!"

"Um.. Malon?"  
"What?"

"The penny?"

"Oh.. yeah.. well.. It's mine!"

"Rawr!" A random Octorok rawred, popping up out of nowhere.

"Octoroks don't rawr." Malon pointed out.

"THE PENNY!" Link noobed. "IT IS MINES!1111oneone."

"After him, Mr Octorok!" Malon screamed. "He has our penny!"

/O.o.O\

"Phew." Link murmured a few minutes later. "I think I lost them."

"Is he aware he's only moved four feet?" Malon asked the octorok.

"Now, I Link, The Hero Of Time, shall rule over all with my penny!" Link shouted, adding on an evil laugh. "Oh yeah, who's l33t baby?"

"Link --- "  
"Ag! How in the Goddesses names did you find me!"

/O.o.O\

(Doesn't it look like a doggy?)  
((Ahem.. So, way up in the sky.))

"Hey!" Farore yelled.  
"What is it?" Her sister Nayru asked, looking up from the TV.

"That little SoB took our names and used them!" The Goddess replied angrily.

"What?" Din yelled, running over and staring down at Hyrule. "For the Goddesses sakes, stop using our names in vain, ya little pisher!"

Her sisters stared.

An: Yay! Pennies! Sorta better than the last chapter.

Reviews 

Uber Spoonz: There was a mix up in the documents. I accidentally put my homework up instead of the first chapter.. ? Heh. Stupid me.

**So… Heres the second chapter!  
Dadadadaaaaa.**

**Kitty39: Thanks for the review! Twas appreciated!**


	3. An old frenemy

**The Legend of Zelda: Uno Awakening**

**By CheeseFromJupiter**

**I'm PROUD to be different!**

An: I got a flame! A flame! So this chapter is dedicated to Chaos Knight Malik, partially because he –seemingly- hates my story (Oh, CKM, you KNOW you love it:P) and his hatred kindles my fire of bizarreness!

_You go, mate! W00t!_

**Reviews!**

Chaos Knight Malik – Aw haha! Flamers are so cute! I never knew they could be!  
But for Pete's sake, the title has UNO in it. The first sentence of the summary says, "Malon is shocked to find out Link is an Uno Virgin." Come on. Did you expect a serious fic?

Wait a minute? You hate Deku Scrubs! Noooo! Look at Lawrence's big amber eyes! His little bottle cap medals! He's awesome, and you know it!

Goodbye forever to you too!**  
The Magical Uno Cards of Wisdom say: Word up.**

Uber Spoonz – That's terrible. I went to.. Um.. I'll get back to ya on that one.

Congrats on finishing Face your Demons, by the way!

**The Magical Uno Cards of Courage say: Silly big brother, if you have a story, you NEED a review!**

Kitty29 – No! It isn't like that! She means NOTHING to me! NOTHING!

**The Magical Uno Cards of Power say: Oo**

**It's a bootiful day on Hyrule Field. Malon however, does not see it that way…**

"I need to pee-eee!" Link wailed.

"Hold it in!" Malon said.

"No! I neeeeed to peeeee now!"

**Oh dear.**

"What the fu-"

**Hey! This is a PG fic! No naughties, obscenities or swears!**

"Does that mean I can't do the bathroom scene?"

**Aw screw it.. This fics is as messed up as it can get…**

"Wait a minute!" Malon yelled. "I remember you!"  
"What?" Link asked.

"He's the.. the.."

"That's right, Little Malon!" A large cloud of smoke appeared, a small man with a mega phone standing in the centre of it. "I am THE NARRATOR!"

"Ah!" Link squealed, leaping into Malons arms.

"Goddesses help us!" Malon shrieked, dropping Link.

**(Way up in the sky.)**

"They're doing it again!" Din screamed angrily.

"Code red!" Farore yelled down a chrome corridor. "I repeat, CODE RED! This is not a drill!"

**(Back again.)**

"Weren't you in that other, low budget fic?"

**We don't talk about that much.**

"It got fourteen reviews." Malon pointed out.

**Anyway.. Can we get back to the matter at hand?**

"So where's the author if you're here?"

**  
**


	4. Androphobia!

**The Legend of Zelda: Uno Awakening**

**By CheeseFromJupiter**

"_No I don't have any change! Where would I keep it? In my DIAPER?_

An: A quote at the beginning of a chapter? How very _Deku!_ish.

**Reviews!**

Hrainian –Yeah.. Most of my fics are strange, but if you haven't read _Deku_! then The Narrator will seem.. strange. :P You uploaded homework too? So I'm not alone!

Uber Spoonz – Don't get a life! Then how will you write and keep me amused?

Kitty29 – That's considered a cliffhanger? Just wait until you read the first chapter of _De_ – Oops, I've said too much.

**It's a --- Wait a minute.. This isn't Hyrule Field! Where are Link and Malon? Why are we in Gerudo Fortress? Ah, so many questions, so little time…**

**Meh, whatever. Lets look, and send our findings to a tabloid newspaper.**

**The room we are currently in is a large, square-type place made of yellow sandstone. Actually, maybe it's not. I don't know, my new glasses haven't arrived yet. Do you think fifty seven pounds was a fair price? Personally, I feel they were a little dear, but ---**

"Get on with it!" Ganondorf yelled, looking up from a table.

**Sod off. What're you doing?**

"Are you the The Author?"

**-Is pissed.-**

"That's a no then?"

"Ganondorf?" Nabooru said, strolling in. "Who are you talking to?"  
"No one. Just practising my lines."

"You don't have lines."

"Oh. Yeah. So what did you want, Sally?"

"We've been over this Ganny," Nabooru said sweetly. "I'm Nab-boo-ru."  
"Sally."  
"Nab-boo-ru."  
"Sally."

**This could go on for quite a while..**

"AH!" Nabooru screamed. "A MAN! Guards!"  
"Ah!" The guards screeched as they raised their spears. For all Gerudo women are androphobic.

So, once The Narrator had been subdued and thrown into prison, and the author had gotten round doing some actual authoring, we're ready to roll again.

"Anyway." Nabooru said happily, although nothing had happened. "Ganondorf, the girls and I have been talking, and we've decided that -- "

"You're going to open up the nudey bar that I wanted?" Ganondorf asked hopefully.

"Em… no. In fact, it's much more fun than that!"  
"It it?"  
"Yes!"  
"YAY!" Ganondorf squealed. "What is it?"#

"You're going to get a job!"  
"…"  
"…"  
"…"

"…"

"That doesn't sound all that fun…"

_An: Yay! Done. :P Tomorrows Fri – _

_Okay, I promise I won't start that again.t_


	5. The Meaning of Uno

**The Legend of Zelda: Uno Awakening**

**CheeseFromJupiter**

**The Meaning**

Hyrules only library was rundown. It was tatty and tacky and it had only forty two books, and all were incredibly boring. Some of the titles included were, "Ultimate Bee Keeping," and "Crockery Sales."  
The librarian was a decrepit old hag.

But that's besides the point.

"You're SURE we'll find the meaning of Uno in here?" Link asked.

"Yes, Link, of course!" Malon replied. "Have I ever lied to you?"  
"Well, there was the-"

"Don't answer that."

"Where should we look?" Link asked.

"In the Uno section, of course!" Malon sang.

"I don't think they'll be an Uno section."  
"Sure there will be, Link!"

So, Link and Malon head over to the Uno section of the library. Yes, there actually WAS an Uno section. Why? Do you think that's odd?

"Uno Awakening?" Malon said, pulling out a dusty old book. "What's that?"  
"Don't know." Link replied, looking at the book.  
"Should I read it?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Okay. _The meaning of Uno is.._"

"Go on." Link urged.

Malon gasped. "The meaning of Uno is---"

**Legend of Zelda theme music starts.**

**Credits roll.**

_The Legend of Zelda: Uno Awakening_

_Starring_

_Malon… As Herself_

_Link… As Himself_

_Bob Low… As The Narrator_

_Miss Elders… As the librarian_

_Rufus… As Background Goron #1_

_Frederick… As Background Goron #2_

_All characters, elements, and Zelda orientated things are property of Nintendo._

_The main plotline © CheeseFromJupiter._

**The Ultimat3 Au7h0r5 N073!111oneone**

_That's it. Sorry, but I've been putting off my other story for too long._

_I'm going to use this space to explain The Bathroom Scene:_

The bathroom scene was supposed to appear at the beginning of chapter three, but eventually, I decided it was far too perverted.  
What? You want to know how much? Here's a quote, then..

"Wow! Look at the size of that thing! How'd you get it back in there?"

O.o

Disgusting.

And that's only the first bit of it.

**REVEIWS**

**Hrainian **We'll form a tightly nit group that the others won't be part of!

**Kitty29 **-Looks at arm- AH! Get it off, get it off, get it--- Oh wait, it's just you! Phew!

**Uber Spoonz **I updated! I updated! See? Aren't you proud of me? Now you update! NOW!

**Hrainian **(Deku) Thanks!


End file.
